(**SPOILER ALERT** — this post contains significant plot-related spoilers. If you are one of the eight or so people who consider Wizardry VI’s plot as the most significant part of the game and what ought not to be spoiled, you should skip this post. The rest of you, who are doubtless primarily concerned with avoiding any graph paper spoilers, are safe to read on and see a crazy wizard do his thing.)
Chisel Wizard. Turn that over in your mind a couple times. A delightful phrase.
So listen — I knew from walkthroughs that the spooky river (also known as the river of CRAZY XP because of the swarms of ninja sirens in the area) was actually the River Styx. I had a great idea for how to get Charon to manifest and transport me ‘cross the river of the dead.
The Plan: Kill Bukkit! What deathly ferryman could resist such a piteous hobbit corpse? Well…Charon. He didn’t show. =(
Plan B: The Internet! I mean, the collected wisdom of the ages. Can you guess what it told me? What I overlooked in the chaos of my numerous knapsacks?
(This next bit is…wordy. Because wizards, well, they don’t let mundane things like “meaningfulness” stand in the way of their conversation. Don’t expect a lot of commentary from me. I think Xorphitus has got it covered. o_O)
“FREE AT LAST!”
I DO NOT KNOW THEE, BUT I HAVE KNOWN OF THEE, SINCE THE TIMES WHEN IT ALL BEGAN…
MY TIME IS SHORT, FOR AS YOU CAN SEE MY BODY HAS LONG AGO DIED, AND IT IS ONLY THROUGH THE LAST VESTIGES OF MY FORMER POWER THAT MY SPIRIT HAS HELD THIS FINAL GRASP UPON YOUR WORLD, SO THAT I MAY SPEAK TO YOU NOW, AND AID YOU IN YOUR QUEST. I WILL TELL YOU A STORY, AND LET THIS STORY SERVE AS A WARNING TO YOU AND THEY WHO WILL TRY TO FOLLOW IN YOUR STEPS…
I AM HALF OF THE FORMER WIZARD KNOWN AS XORPHITUS, WHOSE BONES YOU SEE ON THE MANTLE BEFORE YOU. A HUNDRED AND TWENTY YEARS AGO, I ENGAGED UPON THE QUEST FOR THE COSMIC FORGE, THE BANE PEN FROM WHICH ARE WRIT THE WORKINGS OF ALL THE UNIVERSE. TO SPEAK OF THE PEN, I MUST SPEAK OF THE CIRCLE, THE BLESSED ALTAR FROM WHICH THE PEN WAS STOLEN. TO PROTECT THE POWER OF THE PEN, IT WAS WRITTEN THAT THE PEN WAS ONLY TO BE USED UPON THE HOLY CIRCLE AND THUS IT CAME TO BE. IN ORDER TO WREST THE PEN FROM THE CIRCLE, SO AS TO FREE IT FROM THIS MANDATE, IT WAS NECESSARY TO CONTRIVE THE EXCEPTION, THE SINGULAR EXCEPTION WHICH ENSURES THE FREEDOM OF THE PEN, AND LIKEWISE DOES NOT VIOLATE THE ORIGINAL ORDER. THUS THE GREAT EXCEPTION WAS FORMED, THAT WHOSOEVER SHALL SCRIBE WITH THE PEN NOT UPON THE COSMIC CIRCLE, WILL SUFFER HIS WRITE AS A BANE, AND SHALL NOT REST OR BE FREED FROM IT UNTIL A NEW GENERATION HAS PASSED, THAT TIME BEING EXACTLY ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY YEARS, AND AFTER THAT SHALL HE BE OF HIS OWN DOING AND FREE FROM THE WRITE AND THE BANE.
MY TIME IS AT END, FOR THEE HAS COME AND SET ME FREE, AND AS MY BONES LIE BEFORE YOU, THIS BECOMES MY DOING, A FATE THAT RELEASES ME FROM MY CURSE. NOW LISTEN, AS I REVEAL TO YOU THOSE EVENTS WHICH LONG AGO TRANSPIRED, SO THAT YOU MAY ACT WISELY AND RIGHTLY. ONCE I WAS XORPHITUS, A GREAT WIZARD OF MAGIK AND POWER, AND LIKE ALL WHO TASTE OF POWER, THE MORE I DRANK OF IT, THE GREATER BECAME MY THIRST. SO IT WAS THAT I CAME TO MAKE AN UNHOLY PACT WITH ANOTHER WHOSE HUNGER WAS A COPY OF MY OWN, AND TOGETHER WE HELD THE DREAM OF UNIVERSAL DOMINATION.
WHEN AT LAST WE HEARD OF THIS COSMIC PEN, WE KNEW THAT TO MAKE IT OUR OWN WOULD MAKE OUR TRIUMPH COMPLETE, AND SO WE PLOTTED A SCHEME WHICH YIELDED US THE “COSMIC FORGE”. BUT HOW SOON WE LEARNED OF THE BANE THAT FOLLOWS, SHOULD THE FORGE BE REMOVED FROM THE CIRCLE AS WE HAD DONE.
YES, ONCE I WAS XORPHITUS, AND I WAS DETERMINED TO DEFY THE FATES, AND SO SCRIBED THE WORDS WHICH TOLD OF THIS MORTAL WIZARD WHICH SHOULD BE CALLED XORPHITUS, AND HOW HE SHALL KNOW ALL THINGS IN THE UNIVERSE, THAT HE WILL THEN KNOW HOW TO EVADE THAT DREADFUL BANE. AND YES I CAME TO POSSES FULL KNOWLEDGE OF EVERYTHING, AND WITH IT WAS I RIPPED ASUNDER, TWAIN INTO TWO BEINGS, FOR THE NATURE OF ALL THINGS IS DIVIDED, THAT WHICH IT IS, AND IS NOT, AND THUS AS THE KNOWLEDGE LIVED IN ME AS ONE, THUS IT MUST PASS THAT I THEN BECOME DIVIDED. FOR AS I KNOW ALL, I MUST ALSO KNOW NOTHING. AS IT WAS THAT A MAN SHALL KNOW “GOOD”, SO WAS I COMPELLED TO ALSO KNOW “EVIL”.
EVERYTHING WHICH IS KNOWN IS DIVIDED AND THAT WHICH IS NOT DIVIDABLE WILL NEVER BE KNOWN.
THUS SHALL MEN FOREVER SEEK TO KNOW, AND THUS WILL MEN ALWAYS BE DIVIDED. THIS IS THE NATURE OF KNOWLEDGE, AND I TELL YOU THAT THIS IS HOW IT LIVES INSIDE OF YOU. THIS IS HOW YOU KNOW, THIS IS HOW YOU THINK, THIS IS HOW A MIND BELIEVES, AND HOW A MIND SPEAKS UNTO ITSELF.
BUT TIME GROWS SHORT AND THERE STILL REMAINS MUCH I MUST TELL YOU. THOUGH I, XORPHITUS, AM DEAD, XORPHITUS, MY OTHER HALF LIVES ON! AND AS I DO BUT AID THEE, HE SHALL DO BUT HARM THEE. HIS KNOWLEDGE IS INCOMPLETE, SINCE I POSSESSED ITS COMPLEMENT, AND HE CAN BUT STUMBLE BLINDLY, HALF-RIGHT, AND HALF-WRONG, IN EVERYTHING HE DOES, A MIND FOREVER FLOATING THROUGH A POOL OF DARKENED WATERS. HE IS INSANE, AS AM I, BUT YOU MUST SEEK HIM OUT, FOR AS I KNOW OF THE PEN AND WHY, AND DO TELL YOU, HE WILL KNOW THE WHERE AND THE WHEN OF IT, BUT NOT WHAT, AND HE WILL NOT TEL YOU. THAT IS WHAT MUST BE DISCOVERED FROM HIM, AND WITH HIM LIVES THE FATE OF THE FORGE, THE PEN AND HAND OF DESTINY…
“I AM FREE AT LAST!”
and the vision softly fades…
And then I found five dollars.
Next up: maybe I find that which knows not but is known by its reflection in the pool of wisdom? I bet it will be a scary monster.
P.S. How was your vacation, Mr. Berzee? It was lovely, thank you; I climbed Every Mountain!
P.P.S. I was going to make a Youtube Video Recording so you could listen to that speech instead of reading it. But both me & wife gave it a try and realized we are pretty ashamed of our attempts at Wizard Voice. Therefore…if any of you feels taken by a wizardly spirit of a sudden and decides to post an inspiring recording of this speech on the internet, I will probably be so grateful that I’d link to it here and also write a nice poem about you; I’ve been known to write some nice poems about people, when they meet my demands.